We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You may now shotgun with the bride
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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