dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
