I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
