just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
