whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
