Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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