can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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