Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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