At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
