Your face is a jimmy john
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
