their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
