Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
