Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I got inside last night via doggy door
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
