You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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