He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
