i wish peter jackson would direct porn
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
