I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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