What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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