Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
