have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
