My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
