i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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