I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
