I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
