what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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