Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
