Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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