There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
