I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
