I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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