a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
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After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
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I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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