My friends, they love my intelligence
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
