Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
