so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
