I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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