Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
