got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
