The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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