I love black thongs
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
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I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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