i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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