I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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