Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
