and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
