so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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