Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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