a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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