Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
When are your genitals available?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
