i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
