You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
