Umm I'm too high to move.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
