I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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