I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
