My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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