never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
