the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
its liver damage thursday
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
