I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
