I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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