i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
