airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
