I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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