How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
