Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
