yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
