dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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