Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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