hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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