i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It's just like the Real World with babies
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
