I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
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I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
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Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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