as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
