Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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