She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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