Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
