i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
