you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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