she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
