Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
