we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
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