her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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