Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
